More Than Words
by Esprit Libre
Summary: Christian has a moment of doubt concerning the sincerity of Satine's love. Songfic. Last installment. Review!!!
1. Part 1

Title: More Than Words

Summary: Christian has a moment of doubt concerning the sincerity of Satine's love. Set after Elephant Love Medley and before the snippets of rehearsal scenes - you know, like Christian nearly falling out of the balcony, Toulouse rehearsing his *line* over and over again, lol.

Disclaimer: Moulin Rouge belongs to Baz Luhrmann - All hail his musical genius!

Author's Note: This is not a jealousy piece. I wanted to remain true to the storyline, so Christian is not jealous of the Duke 'cause that doesn't come until later, during the 'Come What May' song. Keep that in mind and tell me later if I did a good job in conveying his insecurity.

  
---

  


**More Than Words**

  
It was going to be a nice, warm sunny day. Christian could feel the heat of the sun's early morning rays on his body as he languorously drifted into awareness. A sleepy smile murmured his contentment as the first stirrings of consciousness began to permeate his brain. Christian stretched, eyes still shut, and rolled over, his hand instinctively reaching for the space beside him.

It was empty.

His face fell and he opened his eyes, unable to hide his dismay. 

He was alone. Satine was gone. Again.

_Don't be such a baby,_ his mind whispered angrily. _You knew this had to be done. She told you, remember?_

Yes, she did. Satine had cautioned him on the sacrifices they would have to make if they were to be together, told him over and over again in the week they had been a couple. Still, that didn't make the ache any less. Christian sat up and rested his forehead on a bent knee. Was it selfish to want her to be in his arms when he awoke? Was it selfish if he wanted her face to greet him in the morning?

He didn't know. He'd never felt so confused.

A part of him wanted to scream and shout and cry. But he had promised, had told Satine he wouldn't ask for more than she could offer. She loved him and he loved her with every fiber of his being. The Argentinean called it infatuation, but he knew better. He was in love, with the most beautiful woman in the world and she loved him in return, which exceeded his wildest expectations.

So if it meant living without little nuances of affection, then so be it. It was a small price to pay for being able to love Satine. Whispers of 'I love you' would just have to suffice. It was really all that mattered. Christian swallowed the lump of disappointment in his throat and set about getting ready for work. 

---

The midday break found Christian still diligently tapping away at his beloved typewriter, oblivious to the sounds of relaxation around him. So engrossed was he in his work that thoughts of eating had completely slipped his mind. And because no one was the wiser, nobody cared to tell him otherwise.

Christian paused for a moment, leaning back and cracking his knuckles. He let his gaze and mind wander, unseeing, down idle lanes of thought.

"Awful comfy, aren't they?"

The voice came out of nowhere, causing Christian to jump forward in surprise. The startled motion knocked the brim of his hat over his eyes.

"Hard at work, eh, Shakespeare?"

Christian peered up from under the felt material, only to come face to face with one of the Rouge's leading dancers. Well, more like face to chest. A rather busty chest. He gulped hard, craning his head a little higher. "Oh, hello, Nini." He stammered, disconcerted by her proximity. He shifted back a bit. "You-you were saying?"

The can-can dancer preened, obviously pleased he'd remembered her name. "I said," She leaned closer. "Awful comfy, aren't they?"

Christian blinked. "Who?" He asked blankly.

Nini let out a short, shrill bark of laughter and jerked her head to her left. "Why, our Sparkling Diamond and her precious duke, of course!" 

Against his better judgment, Christian cast a surreptitious glance over his shoulder. And what he saw made him turn away.

Satine was seated on the other side of the theater, perfectly at home in her perch on the Duke's lap. They looked so natural, so comfortable, so in _love_ it made him ill. But what made it worse were the adoring gazes they were locked in, like they lost in their own little world. That and the way Satine kept brushing the Duke's floppy hair back, whispering every so often into his ear and giggling when he replied. It was these small gestures that made his throat constrict. 

Satine had never acted that way towards him. 

Christian stared blindly at his typewriter, trying not to throw up. Blood pounded in his ears and he fought against the bitter bile rising in his throat. He was so busy trying to get himself under control that he was no longer listening to Nini's conversational words. But he heard them anyway.

"What did you say?" He whispered hoarsely, slowly, trying to sound normal despite his heightened breathing.

Nini stared at him for a long moment. If she saw how upset he was, it didn't show. "I said," She pronounced again in her fake Cockney accent. "I'm surprised Satine's going all out for the Duke. She's never done it before." She leaned down, lowering her voice confidentially. If Christian had bothered to look up, he would have seen the malevolent glint in her dark eyes. "If I didn't know better, I'd say she's gone and fallen in love with the man." Christian nearly choked. "But that's impossible," She added dismissively. "Everyone knows we can't fall in love. It's unthinkable."

Oh, God, now he couldn't breathe.

"Hey, Shakespeare, you all right?"

Somehow, Christian managed to nod jerkily while keeping up a semblance of normality. He was only dimly aware of Nini drifting away to rejoin her fellow dancers. Voices echoed in his swirling mind, bringing with them unwanted feelings of doubt and insecurity.

_I can't fall in love with anyone...anyone...If I didn't know better, I'd say she's gone and fallen in love with the man...fallen in love with the man...I can't fall in love with anyone...can't fall in love...it's unthinkable...fallen in love with the man...fallen in love..._

No! Christian clenched his eyes shut. It wasn't true. Satine could fall in love and she had, with him. She'd said so. The Duke was just an act, a necessary act that she'd warned him about. Nothing more. 

Christian clutched that thought like a lifeline, trying not to slip into the abyss so soon. He unconsciously clenched his jaw with the effort. His eyes were open, but unseeing, the blue orbs shifting erratically into a frightening array of blue, gray, and green shades that reflected his inner turmoil.

"Cwistian, are you okay? Are you cold?"

With a start, Christian came back to his senses. He realized he had his arms wrapped tightly around his torso, hugging himself in a vice-like grip that threatened to tear his shirt apart. He lifted his gaze and met Toulouse's concerned brown eyes. "To-Toulouse, um," He slowly disentangled himself, flexing his fingers before placing them on the desk, well out of reach. "I was, err...umm..." Christian thought fast. "Visualizing! That's it. I was visualizing the umm...p-penniless sitar player's conflicting emotions so I could...properly put them on paper." He flashed Toulouse a charming smile.

Toulouse's eyes brightened. "Oh, I get it! In that case, I'll leave you to your _'talent'_ then, Christian." The little man winked at him, slapped him generously on the back and toddled off.

Christian breathed a sigh of relief. That had been close. He opened his eyes and spotted Satine by the stage. She was staring at him, looking obviously concerned. And as he gazed into her worried blue eyes, all his fears and insecurities melted away at the blatant love shining his way. 

He was acting like a silly idiot. Satine loved him, she'd said so. And who was he to doubt her word?

Broad grin firmly in place, Christian fairly bounded out of his chair and across the floor to his love's side. Before he spoke, he made careful certain that his features spoke nothing but wary respect for the lead actress. "Mademoiselle Satine," He ventured hesitantly. "I'm having...trouble...writing the second act of the play and I-I was wondering if it could go over it with you tonight."

As soon as the words left his mouth, the Duke popped out of nowhere, fixing him with a deadly glare. "I'm afraid Mademoiselle Satine will not be available tonight." He gave Satine a gaze that could only be described as blind infatuation. "I have a magnificent supper arranged for us tonight at the Gothic Tower and I was hoping you would come."

Satine looked from one man to the other, her features uncertain, but a much deeper battle waged behind her eyes. Christian waited with bated breath. Finally, she turned, decision made.

"My dear sweet Duke," She purred. "I would be honored to join you."

It was all Christian could do not to fall to the ground. "But-but, Mademoiselle Satine-" Satine rounded upon him with a mixture of annoyance and frustration. "Not tonight." She reiterated firmly, much to the Duke's pleasure. "Christian, you are the one being paid to write, not I, and it's time you started acting like it. I can't hold your hand all the time, you know."

Shocked and stunned at her words, Christian could only stare at her in disbelief. He automatically reached out for her, but she had already turned away and taken the Duke's arm. His own fell limply at his side, as useless as he felt. They walked away, unknowingly leaving him standing there with his world crumbling at his feet.

And unbeknownst to them all, a sly figure cackled to herself in self-congratulation. 

  
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end chapter 1

A.N: So? What do you think so far? Love it, hate it? Keep going? *holds up a sign that says 'Will write for reviews'* 


	2. Part 2

Disclaimer: The following songs and their respective singers/writers/publishers/whatever do not belong to me.

"Yesterday" - Beatles  
"Can't Get No Satisfaction" - Rolling Stones  
"More than Words" - Extreme

Feedback: Review or dieeeee!!!! j/k

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The rest of the day flew by in a nonsensical blur. Christian simply shut down and mechanically went through the familiar movements of his daily routine. Fortunately, no one clued in on the fact that while he was there in body, his mind had already all but died.

Over exaggeration, he knew, but he couldn't help but feel that way.

He hadn't talked to Satine all day. He didn't think he could bear it, not feeling so naked and exposed as he was. And so, he deliberately avoided her. It was an easy task considering that she had remained glued to the Duke's side all day, coming over only once to ask about a vague statement in the script.

He still wasn't sure whether to feel relief or bitterness.

The sun was setting low over the horizon as he made his way through the park situated at the outskirts of Montemarte. It was easier to breathe and think here, away from the hustle and bustle of the village. Or rather, the darkness and never-ending subterfuge. Christian plopped down on a stone bench and leaned forward, cradling his head in his hands.

He wished he could be jealous, but how can you be jealous of something you've never experienced? It would be easier if he knew for sure that Satine loved him; at least then he could have a claim to his feelings.

All of this uncertainty was driving him mad.

  


_I...can't...get...no...sa-tis-fac-tion...  
I...can't...get...no...sa-tis-fac-tion..._

Christian clenched his eyes shut against the barrage of images assaulting his brain.

Stolen kisses under the stars.

Making love while the candle burned low.

The silky feel of skin against skin.

The pleasure of fulfillment that now felt empty.

Whispers of "I love you", always declared in the night, never during the day; at night where faces were hidden, secrets could be kept, promises broken.

"I'm paid to make men believe what they want to believe."

Satine running her fingers through the Duke's floppy brown hair.

He doubled over in mental agony. A voiceless scream erupted from his mind as words tumbled from his lips.

_'Cause I try, and I try, and I try, and I try..._

Christian lost himself in his anguish, the words coming faster and faster in a chanted mantra of protection until, finally - 

_I can't get no - !  
I CAN'T GET NO - !_

The last word rang loudly in his ears. Chest heaving, Christian took a deep breath and opened his eyes. He was kneeling on the grass. His head hurt where he'd clenched his hair.

An overwhelming sadness swept over him. Spent, he sat back on his heels.

All he wanted to know was if she loved him.

Christian raised blurry eyes to the sky.

_Yesterday...  
All my troubles seemed so far away  
Now they're coming here to stay  
Now I long for yesterday _

He sniffed and wiped his eyes.

_Suddenly, I'm not half the man I used to be,  
There's a shadow hanging over me.  
Oh, I believe in yesterday  
_

Christian stopped and sighed. If wishes were fishes, then seafood wouldn't make him so ill. He was getting tired of wishing and dreaming was starting to loose its appeal. A few days ago, he would have been shocked at his own defeatist attitude, but right now, he was too drained to care. The glamour of being able to seduce the Rouge's top courtesan and the excitement of the dangerous game they played had given him an irresistible high that he eagerly accepted and cultivated in his mind as some sort of fairy tale. But now, it was starting to loose its shine and he was starting to realize that he was living an impossible reality. He was deluding himself if he thought that they could make this work, make a happy ending out of this particular story.

Love was a two-way street and to his reluctant sadness, he just wasn't strong enough to hold on for the both of them, not in the way he had foolishly thought he could. He loved Satine; she was the other half of his soul, but as selfish as it was, he needed more than that. He needed to touch, and to be touched, but most importantly, he needed a good reason to keep going. 

He wanted something real.

Like a child, he had thought that he could be happy with anything that she offered. But he supposed his expectations were higher than she was willing to reach.

He was such a fool.

Christian stood and half-heartedly swiped the grass of his knees. He fell heavily onto the bench once more and leaned back on one hand. Faint light of the moon reflected on gray-green orbs.

_

Saying I love you  
Is not the words I want to hear from you

_

He sang softly, idly, too depressed to even bother putting any muster into his tone. And like every time, the music obeyed his whim, drifting through the sky like a sad prayer to God. 

_It's not that I want you  
Not to say, but if you only knew_

"How easy it would be just to show...me..." His voice hitched. "How you fe-e-el..." There was a tight knot in his throat. Christian took a deep, shuddering breath. "More than wo-ords is all you have to...do...to," He gasped. "Make it re-al."

_Then you wouldn't have to sa-a-ay that you love me... _

Christian swallowed hard, blinking back tears before whispering, "'Cause I'd al-rea-dy know..."

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end.chapter.2

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	3. Part 3

Disclaimer: The following songs and their respective singers/writers/publishers/whatever do not belong to me.

"More than Words" - Extreme  
"Swear It All Over Again" - Westlife  
"Still the One" - Shania Twain  
"I Wanna Hold Your Hand" - Beatles  
"Always" - Bon Jovi  
"Call You Mine" - Paul McCrane

Feedback: Reviews will be greatly appreciated *hint hint*

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She picked her way through the dirty streets of Montemarte, asking this way and that if anyone had seen a blue-eyed young man with black hair. Cat-shaped green eyes glanced about anxiously, searching through the throng for the person in question. To say she was worried was an understatement. In all honesty, she was downright terrified. Christian had been acting strange all day, or so she had been told. 

She hadn't noticed a thing, of course. She had been too busy sucking up to the Duke and trying not to gag in the process. Satine shivered at the memory of the Duke's scaly touch. She much rather preferred Christian's gentle hands.

But it bothered her that someone had to tell her about Christian. She hadn't even seen him the entire time, not after the stunt she pulled in the morning. And when she asked Chocolat about him, there had been a disapproving glint in the black man's brown eyes. It spoke volumes about the seriousness of the situation. Chocolat was the only one, other than Toulouse, who knew about their secret affair and as protective as he was of her, he had taken a liking to Christian as well.

Eventually, her search took her to a grassy knoll just outside the walls of Montemarte. The street urchins, to whom Christian sometimes gave apples, had last seen him wandering towards the park. 

That had been half an hour ago and it was getting dark. Satine pulled her cloak tighter around herself and quickened her pace. Her shoes squished slightly on the wet earth.

And then she heard it - a faint, melodic sound. A dejected, ethereal song wafting through the breeze, resonating like some eerie siren call. Satine pricked up her ears and turned to her right. That voice, while overwhelmingly sad, sounded familiar and Satine followed the sound.

She found him sitting on a stone bench under the swaying leaves of an oak tree. Christian was the epitome of misery, slouched back like some man who had lost his will to live. And as she caught his words, she understood his conflict. 

_

Saying I love you  
Is not the words I want to hear from you

_

He was singing without thinking, the words simply coming out of nowhere to pierce the starry night with their presence and give her a glimpse into his soul.

_

It's not that I want you  
Not to say, but if you only knew

_

His voice caught audibly and Satine felt tears prick her eyes.

_How easy it would be to show me how you feel  
More than words is all you have to do to make it real  
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me_

His voice trailed off into a barely audible murmur. "'Cause I'd al-rea-dy know..."

He fell silent and Satine stepped out into the moonlight. And she stood there, unnoticed, trying to think of what to say. Her heart urged her to just wrap him in her arms and soothe the hurt away, but her mind whispered that it would take more than that to ease his pain. Something had happened today, something to make her already insecure, but lovable, poet to doubt himself and their love even more.

If she wasn't careful, she could loose him forever.

Satine screwed her face in frustration. How could she tell him the depth of her love? How could she explain? She didn't have his gift for inspiration.

Satine closed her eyes and imagined the gleam in his eye, the shine on his expressive face during one of his 'moments'. She tried to imitate how he must have felt.

And to her surprise she knew exactly what to say.

_ I wanna know_

Christian whirled around in surprise. Gray-green eyes sparked blue for a scant second, then faded away. He looked at her for a moment, his face neutral and uninviting. It was clear that she was not welcome.

Satine steeled her resolve and ignored the warning, letting her own soprano mingle with the remaining traces of his tenor in the air.

_ Whoever told you I was letting go  
Of the only joy that I have ever known_

She was encouraged by dull gray flickering blue-green in interest.

_ 'Cause they're lying_

She crouched down before him. Christian ducked his head to avoid her gaze, but she firmly took his chin in hand and forced his eyes to meet hers.

_ You're the one that I run to_

Slender fingers traced his cheek.

_ The one that I belong to  
You're still the one I want for life_

Still nothing. Not even a sign that he heard her. Satine suppressed a sigh and took his large hands in her own gloved ones, running her thumbs tenderly over his palms.

_ You're still the one that I love  
The only one I dream of_

A hint of mischief played across her lips.

_ You're still the one I kiss goodnight_

But instead of making him laugh, Christian screwed his face up and pulled his hands away, turning his gaze off to the side. And when he spoke, his voice was low and gravelly.

_ You said that we've got nothing in common  
No common ground to start from  
And we're falling apart_

Satine shook her head at the absurdity of her old protests and countered, "You'll say the world has come between us."

_ Our lives have come between us  
But I know you just don't care_

She took his face in her hands and made him lean over to touch foreheads. She gazed at him lovingly for a minute before making a tender smile. Her fingers grazed his eyelids of their own accord and Christian closed his eyes, aware only of her tinkling voice.

_ 'Cause in your eyes I see a love that burns eternally  
And if you see how beautiful you are to me  
You'll know I'm not lying_

As expected, Christian blushed a scarlet red. A smile flickered reluctantly across his features and an impish glint appeared in his eyes.

_ I wanna hold your hand  
I wanna hold your hand_

He sang lightly, teasingly, kissing her fingers one by one, but Satine wasn't fooled. She could see the suffering in his expressive eyes. This was torture for him, she realized now; him, who needed a loving touch as much as she needed to be accepted for who she was. She nearly cried for his pain and her part in it.

As if sensing her train of thought, Christian's face grew somber and he turned away, still grasping her hand in his. He looked briefly at the lights in the distance before meeting her gaze once more, his features defiant and determined, scaring her with his intensity.

_ If you told me to cry for you, I could  
If you told me to die for you, I would_

"Take a look at my face," He pressed. "There's no price I won't pay..."

Gone was the broken man, and in his place stood a renewed, defiant fighter. For the first time, she could see the depth of his love, his soul laid bare for her to pick up or throw away. So she did the only thing she could to reassure him.

She used his own words.

_ More than words is all you have to do to make it real  
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me  
'Cause I'd already know_

Christian relaxed slightly, his face taking on once more a sad, longing visage. "Is it okay if I call you mine? Just for a time..." Normally sparkling blue eyes were as bleak as a funeral on a cloudy day.

That was the last straw. Sobbing slightly, Satine pulled him close, cradling him in her arms as if she could protect him from his insecurities. And as best as she could, she answered through her tears.

_ Nothing's gonna change my love for you  
You ought to know by now how much I love you_

And then, Christian was hugging her back fiercely, his fingers digging into her corset. He gripped her tight against him, like a man in a storm-tossed sea. It was a long time before either one of them was willing to let go of the other.

Finally, they let themselves pull back. Christian traced gentle fingers across her face. He touched his forehead to hers. "I know," He whispered softly, referring to her declaration of love. "I'm sorry for the way I acted."

"Shh, shh," Satine shook her head minutely, brushing her nose against his to keep him from wallowing in unnecessary guilt. "It's all right, darling. I hadn't realized how hard it must have been for you."

Christian closed his eyes and nuzzled her cheek. "More than words to show you feel..." He murmured. "That your love for me is real."

"I love you, you know that, don't you?" She paused and sang softly.

_ I'm never gonna say goodbye  
'Cause I never wanna see you cry_

"Mmhmm," Christian sighed into her ear. "I do now. Thank you, Satine." He echoed her with a promise of his own.

_ And I'm never gonna treat you bad  
'Cause I never wanna see you sad_

She tenderly brushed a lock of hair off his forehead, noting the delight in his eyes. "I swore to you my love would remain." 

Christian smiled fully at last and lifted his own voice to join hers.

"More than words..."

Fini.

  
*author looks at the pitiful amount of reviews in her mailbox, grumbles to herself and wanders off back to her drawing board.* 


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